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I. Childhood
PAINTED PICTURE
Painted picture
Beveled frame
Green eyes laughing
What’s his name?
Family portrait
Two plus three
Tiny baby
It’s not me
Painted picture
Beveled frame
Green eyes laughing
What’s his name
Victor, Fredike, Bruno
SPECIAL CHILDREN
We were special children
We were born together
In central Transylvania
In nineteen forty seven
Swam in the Maros
Walked in the mountains
Took waters at the spa
Ate palachinta
Noodles and cabbage
Plenty of paprika
We were special children
Often, only children
With many friends and cousins
But very few grandparents
Red scarves around our necks
Sang songs to Comrade Joe
We liked his bushy mustache
Learned Russian at our school
Learned French at ho-ome
From an impov’rished countess
We were special children
We played the accordion
Waltzes from Vienna
In a children’s orchestra
Danced at the op’ra
Palace of Culture
Ballet Copelia
Danced for our neighbors
Dressed up in costume
Folk songs Hungarian
We were special children
We had special names
We knew that we were symbols
But didn’t know of what
Knew that we were symbols
We didn’t know of what
NICHT FUR DIE KINDER
Nicht fur die kinder
Grown ups whisp’ring in a row
Not for the children
We always knew, but what did we know
We had our sources
Our secret corps
Who told us stories
About the war
We mostly heard
About before
When families were big,
No one was poor.
For the stories
The ones we want
We’d go to Gizzy
The maiden aunt
Father’s sister
Who knew him when
He had three boys
The oldest-- ten
Nicht fur die kinder,
Grownups whisp-ring in a row
Nicht fur die kinder
We always knew but what did we know
I once found a book
Behind the pipes
Men in pajamas
In faded stripes
What is this
Confusing scene
Better not ask
What does it mean?
Nicht fur die kinder, etc.
PRETENDING
When we were children
We would pretend
We loved pretending
When we were young
We pretended we caught Hitler
And we cut his arms
And we cut his face
We pretended we caught Hitler
And put salt and pepper in the cuts.
When we were children…
We pretended we caught Hitler
And we scratched his eyes
And we scratched his face
We pretended we caught Hitler
And we left him outside in the cold
When we were children….
We pretended we were boy--s
And we cut our hair
And we changed our clothes
We pretended we were boy--s
So we’d look like those who came before
II. Young adulthood
SHIRTS ON BACK
Israel, Israel
We’re going to the Promised Land
We’ll be safe, we’ll be well.
We’ll build a castle in the sand
We can’t take much
Shirts on our back
Give it away!
Gone in a day!
Like we’re going on vacation
Finally we have salvation
Thank you Jewish organization
Might get German reparation
Israel, Israel
We’re here in the Promised Land
We’ll be safe. We’ll be well.
We’ll build a castle in the sand
There’s not much here
Shirts on our back
Living in tents
Doesn’t make sense
Maybe we should have thought this through
Maybe this is a bit too new
Mother seems a little blu-ue
Is there something that we could do?
America, America
We’re going to the Promised Land
We’ll be rich. iI’s the law!
And friends will surely lend a hand
We can’t take much
Shirts on our back
But we’ve got cousins
Dozens and dozens
Now we’re safe from persecution
Shielded by the constitution
This must be the right solution
Even got our restitution
America, America
We’re here in the Promised Land
We’ll be rich, It’s the law
And friends will surely lend a hand
Not so much here
Shirts on our backs
But city light
Love at first sight
Old world new world hard translation
Parent child confrontation
Not the easiest migration
Yet we love this destination
America, America
We’re staying in the Promised Land
We’ll be safe, We’ll be free
It will help us understand
BE CAREFUL
Down the stairs, be careful
Out the door, be careful
Cross the street, be careful
Vigyaz, vigyaz, vigyaz (pronounced—veed yaz)
They’re scared to death of everything
This fierce new world of cars and planes
And every time I slip the knot
I know I cause them pain
On the bus, be careful
At my school, be careful
Meet a boy, be careful
Vigyaz, vigyaz, vigyaz
They’ve planned my future, super star
I have to be a great success
I hate to disappoint them but
Why can’t i just be me?
On the bus, be careful
At my school, be careful
Meet a boy, be careful
Vigyaz, vigyaz, vigyaz
I haven’t any privacy
They even read my diary
They’re filled with such anxiety
I long for new society
My curfew is ridiculous
Their fears for me ridiculous
But ev’ry time I slip the knot
I know I cause them pain
GUILT
Can’t ask questions of my parents
It might hurt them, hurt my parents
I am nothing, said my mother
I lost three boys, said my father
I can’t lose you, said my father
All the suff’-ring of my mother
All the suff’ring of my father
I’m not worthy of my parents
NO SKIN BETWEEN US
I have always lived with them
Sleeping with my grandmother
There is no skin between us
I am they and they are me
Still the time has come to leave
Give the skin some room to breathe
How can I make my escape?
What’s the form and what’s the shape?
Marriage! It’s the only way
Marriage! That they can accept
Marriage! And what would be best
Marriage! To a Hungarian!
Let the wedding dance begin
Free the spirit deep within
Raise the hupa, kiss the groom
Let the sunlight fill the room
Now at last I cut the string
Here’s the bell, let freedom ring
Feel my heart as it takes wing
What new wonders might this bring
Children! Wonder of wonders
Children! Begat and beget
Children! The past is the future
Children! My path is now all set
Having children, big surprise
Lifts the curtains from my eyes
Now I see behind the screen
Now I see what you have seen
See the love, the fear, the pride
Like a roller coaster ride
We are parents each of us
There’s no skin between us
III. Middle Age
MIRROR OF MEMORY
Through the mirror
Of memory
I can see
My father laying railroad tracks
He hears sounds from a boxcar.
His three little boys yelling Apu, Apu, we’re thirsty
That was the last time he saw them.
I don’t know how you survive that? But he did.
(refrain)
My mother hoarding salt
To trade for potato peels
Building bombs and bullets
Her skin turning purple
But she was blond and blue eyed
So she survived
(refrain)
My grandmother made it back
One of the very few grandparents who did
When she got to her house it was completely empty
Except her husband’s robe
Hanging in the closet
Through the mirror
Of memory
I can see
My father’s moods, he’d disappear
Was it someone’s birthday?
His nightmares of a big black dog **
I understand that now
Women laughing about the camps
This is how they survived
Did we not ask questions to spare their feelings?
Or were we just young, just cared about ourselves?
I know now that my childhood was about death,
But it was beautiful and magical too
I am now the age
My parents died
Or close enough
And they knew my child
Their grandchild
And that is
Everything to me
THE RIVER
Songs you sang me, soft to sleep
Love you gave me, for me, to keep
It’s the river, flowing through
All of my life, and all my life it’s you
Love between us, special bond
My protection, magic, wan—nd
It’s the river, flowing through
All of my life, and all my life it’s you
KADDISH FOR GHOSTBROTHERS IN THE CLOUDS
Rocking horse
Without a rider
Mother with
No one beside her
Wash their hair
Clean their faces
Let them go
To peaceful places
Rolling hoop
Without a turner
Teacher left
Without a learner
Wash their hair
Clean their faces
Let them go
To peaceful places
See them playing
In the lanes
By the lake
In the fields
See them playing
In the clouds
Laughing, dancing
In the lanes
By the lake
In the fields
Laughing, dancing
In the clouds
Now they sing
And dance for me
Music of
Tranquility
Always looking down
To guide me
They are always here
Beside me